My No Food Diet - A Fuga das Galinhas

I thought I would share some pictures of me from a casual Sunday afternoon visit from my sister. This is me with natural hair that was probably not washed, brushed or styled for a few days. It has that natural curl that has been slept in and gone flat and stringy. Although these fun pictures are not highly glamorous (ok who has time for glamour with an infant?!) the pictures are in no way a true reflection of the serious unbrushed, unwashed, no makeup, red eyed, swollen faced look I have really been rocking for about a month now.  

Ok, I just checked my calendar – and I am shocked to say I have been letting myself go for almost 6 weeks. And if I am being honest here I have been on an unlucky streak for the last 9 weeks. Lets see, it started with our faulty towers type holiday in Port Douglas where I got sick, followed by an abysses in my tooth needing an emergency root canal.  After our holiday I got sick with a cold, and I mean I was really sick. I went to the doctor and cried twice, and he promised me I would get better. And I did!!! But then about 2 days after being well I had ALL of my wisdom teeth removed. 

Yes ALL of them. I looked like some strange creature out of a horror film. In fact I looked so hilariously different to my normal self that I madly texted most of the people I knew with selfies, showing off the crazy looking creature I had become.  Close friends and family came to visit although rather than to aid in looking after Roo, I suspect it was to see for themselves this creature in the flesh. 

One girlfriend showed her kids my picture and instead of being horrified they refused to believe her when told it was me. No bruising, just some solid swelling that made my chin the size of a football.  Followed by the wisdom teeth was yet another cold (why did I have that flu vaccination??). In the last week the swelling from my face has gone down but I still cannot open my mouth.  No kidding, I have had 3 and half weeks of talking monotone. I am not sure why but when I can’t open my mouth and smile I have this weird serious voice that goes with it. I can barely fit a squashed piece of bread between my teeth. Apparently I am in the small statistical group of people that have this rather significant complication. 

Now normally I am someone who suffers from RBF also knows as resting bitch face. People that might not know me well may not even notice my more glum than usual appearance however what makes matters worse is that I have had a series of unfortunate (would otherwise have been awesome) events that I have had to attend. I’m talking FOOD related situations. This has added a rather serious mood to my RBF.

The Captain had his 40th birthday and we went out for breakfast where he proceeded to order fancy eggs, toast and finished with a donut (why not) and I had to sit and watch him eat the whole lot while sipping my tea (I know – who does that to a person who cannot eat!!). To add insult to injury my mother-in-law bought over freshly made lamingtons as a special treat. This woman is one of the world’s greatest cooks and I almost cried when she left knowing, I was going to endure the same pot of soup for dinner that I had eaten for the last 2 days at every meal!

We also had a dinner party for The Captain with some of his close friends and family. Imagine a three-course dinner, formal attire at a fancy restaurant and here I am in my dress trying to slowly fit a fork and food between my teeth. I attempted to order the softest food on the menu and as luck would have it, I ended up making some of the worst possible choices. What is worse is having someone next to me observing me eat with food constantly falling out of my mouth. I felt like my own child. 

On another occasion I had breakfast with some old workmates and although I ordered scrambled eggs, I kept putting the eggs on my fork only to have my mouth decide it couldn’t open far enough and half the egg would fall back onto the plate. 

We had my nephews second birthday last weekend and there were the most beautiful honey soy chicken wings that were small enough for me to bite small bits of meat off. I was like a crazy starved animal and ate about 10 of them (ok maybe even more..). I was so embarrassed that I kept swapping for a new paper plate so no one could see the gigantic pile of chicken bones I had piling up on my plate!!!! My gorgeous sister-in law offered me to take some leftover’s home. I played it cool with the usual response “are you sure?”, “well ok” but inside I was screaming “Give me the whole damn tray of chicken wings!!!!!” 

Anyway I quickly piled huge handfuls  of chicken wings on a plate and covered it with a napkin to hide how much I had taken and carefully placed them in the bottom of the pram before we headed back to the car. I spent the next half hour as we prepared to leave barking at The Captain to watch out for my chicken wings as he packed the pram. Yes, looking back now I realize how hilarious and crazy it all was. But honestly tell me if you were on a soup diet for weeks on end you would not do the same!!!! Once we were in the car I politely waited till we had driven out of the car park and beyond the view of family before I scoffed the left over chicken wings. We had a 2 hour drive home but I had eaten the remaining chicken wings only 30 minutes along the road.

The unfortunate food occasions do not end here. My beautiful cousins and I are attending a high tea this weekend and my sister and I won a competition to attend a lunch and afternoon tea the following day.  I love High Tea and I have no idea how I am going to manage to look and eat like a lady. Wish me luck and if you see me around please don’t be a stranger and let me know if I have crumbs on my face. XX

Get The Look
Black wrap top (also nursing friendly: Maxim
Jeans (super stretch pullovers!): Katies
Leather Sandals: Nine West
Earrings: Lovisa
Bike: Lekker
Photos: FindingFemme

Follow: Instagram | Pinterest | Facebook | Bloglovin